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How to overcome grief and loss of a loved one

How to overcome grief and loss of a loved one

June 1, 2011 @ 12:27 am
in Love

Overcome grief and loss of a loved one is a difficult stage in the course of our lives and it takes time, and the closer you were, and more you have loved to the loved one, will take longer to heal this wound. They say it takes six months to a year to overcome grief and if it takes more than that time you should seek professional help.


But I think everyone is different. Personally, after the death of the love of my life, my soul mate, I thought myself strong enough to face this situations, I thought that I would take two weeks to recover. It’s been over three years; I still miss her, and just beginning to heal the wounds, just starting to overcome the grief and loss of loved ones. During those three years, I did not know what to do and remembered her waking at dawn. And the worst thing I expected to live another day without her by my side. It was very difficult to live without her. Time passes, but always I’ll take her in my heart.



When our loved one passed to eternal life, we must also remember that love is eternal, that is what consoles me. And although we miss our loved ones, love dissipate the emptiness, and light the darkness.

We are all travelers in the same road that leads to the same end and that death is part of life. Speaking of death we fear most of us, and we do not mention death at all because we thought never going to happen to each of us until that time comes and almost destroys us because we never been prepared for that, and nobody told us that death was part of life and at any time in our life could arrive, no matter if you had a minute of life, 20 years, 100 years or more years of life.



If the death of a loved one is unexpected as happened with my soul mate, it will be hard to believe and accept it, because you’d just talk to your loved one just a few minutes, hours or days ago.
These are very intense and exceptional moments of psychological catastrophe, characterized by blocked emotional, psychological paralysis, and a feeling of bewilderment and disbelief at what we are experiencing. It is a true level of depersonalization that is difficult to recover quickly.

If the death of a loved one is anticipated as happened with my Father, because he had several strokes, as each day passes, you see your loved one is dying and you can not do anything to prevent his death. It is a time characterized by the initial shock before the diagnosis and the denial of the next, maintained a greater or lesser extent to the end and also with anxiety, fear and focus on patient care. This period is an opportunity to prepare psychologically for the loss and leaves a deep imprint on the memory.

But both types of deaths are painful for the relatives and friends of the loved one.

Therefore, we must enjoy each day as if it were the last day of our lives, as if every day you wake up reborn. Since the only certainty in life is that nothing is certain.

When you’re depressed, if a train passed over you, you will not notice.
Your life, your health, and your personal assets do not matter to you anymore.
Sometimes you have wild ideas as suicide. And suicide is the worst decision you can make, for worse. Relatives and friends around you will have another loss to surmount. Can you imagine? if you had another loss, it would be like giving a shot of grace. Then I advise you to take out that idea in your head.

To overcome this depression, grief and loss of a loved one, what worked for me was to keep my mind busy, learning something new as simple as dancing, singing, whistling, swimming, running, watching funny videos, sitcoms, writing a book, create a blog, go to bereavement groups as “New Hope Grief” in Long Beach, CA. Its website is: http://www.newhopegrief.org/.



Many people advise you what to do and do not do trying to help, but you know, the only person who can help you overcome this grief is yourself. You are the person that says I cannot continue in this condition because I’m destroying myself. You have to let go of the loved one in your mind, so you can have peace of mind and your loved ones can rest in peace, as in the movie “Ghost” (see video above). And always keep in mind:

It must put the past behind … to move forward.

Yes but, how to leave the past behind? I wondered too. If the loved one I lost was the best in my life. But you never forget your loved one because he or she will always be in your heart. Use his memory like a motivation, as your loved one would not want to see you depressed in your life, instead it would look like a happy person and achieving your goals as planned when you loved was still alive. Do not use his memory as a depression, because then you come down yourself.

Dreams, nightmares, good memories, bad memories, will still be there, as you continue feeding them.

You have to make a mental and physical effort to succeed as running for example. In the accompanying video of the movie “Forrest Gump”, after the death of his mother, Forrest begins to run for more than three years. You could say, “It is just a movie.” Yes, it’s only a movie, but it works. For example, I devoted myself to learn to swim several swimming strokes and learn to dance Salsa.





I tell you something that happened when I went to a salsa night club and one of those times, a girl invited me to join her group of salsa for performance in different places, but of course, first I had to keep improving my style dance. The dance studio was in the city of Long Beach, California, called Psalms 30-11. I wondered what strange name to put on a dance studio. After several rehearsals there, I saw a flyer attached on a board, which announced a trip on a cruise, where it would salsa dancing as part of entertainment. And in that same flyer said, “Psalms 30-11: You have changed my mourning into dancing. You have loosed my clothes of mourning and girded me with joy.”

I just was amazed with that notice of this flyer in the dance studio.

When I arrived at my house, the first thing I did was look for a Bible and verify what saying “Psalms 30-11″, which was true. This was a message that came from heaven especially for me, which was trying to telling me to leave the past behind to move forward.

When you dance you forget the problems and clear your mind to think better.Something similar happens when you start running, swimming, singing, whistling, writing, etc. You have to start learning something new in your life. I hope this experience of mine, will serve to encourage you and leave the past behind and moving forward.

If you know anyone that needs this information, please pass the message.

Best wishes

Clemente V

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    • Harryswife
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      It has been 5 years since I lost my wonderful husband, 3 years since the loss of my mother and 1 and 1/2 since losing my only daughter and grandson. I totally disagree with you about suicide and since no one will be here to miss me I find that statement moot. My therapist acts llike I am wasing my time and I am looking for another but I have severe social phobia it is hard for me to change. I also have agoraphobia since I was a child and prefer to stay inside. Nothing you have said appies to me. I will know when the time is right for my much deserved euthanasia whether my me or a a physician in Switzerland. It is what is right for me and I not only am a paying member of Dignitas but understand their rules. Life by myself is not something I have gotten any better at and do not expect to anytime soon so forgive me if your “rules” do not fit my situation.

      • August 13, 2011

        Hi Harry’s wife;
        Wow, I admire your willpower to move on after everything that has happened to you. I would like to know what compels you to move on? And share it with people who also lost a loved one and do not know how to deal with this situation.
        With regard to suicide as mensions on my blog, suicide is not the solution. When I lost the love of my life, I was in a deep depression, and came to my mind the idea of suicide. But reconsider and I realized that this was not the solution. I hope you have clarified this issue. I agree with you that suicide is not the solution.
        Best wishes
        Clement V

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